Greetings, faithful Fir friends! Candidate Douglas Fir speaking. Today, as I'm sure you all know, is St. Patrick's Day. I have a few issues I would like to address with you on that subject, so sit back, relax, and read this post from my heart to yours.
FIRst order of business:
It has recently come to my attention that several of my faithful Fir friends have waged war on a young man named "Patrick." They really, truly despise him and even give the title "Patrick" to other people they equally despise. CHILDREN, THIS MUST STOP. Not all Patricks are villainous, just like not all Firs are of the genus Abies. You musn't judge someone based on their name being Patrick because:
Second order of business:
Fir friends, beware. Many people die in car accidents each year on this day because of recklessness and overdrinking. Pines are on the lookout for Fir supporters in extremely vulnerable states. They kidnap them and... terror ensues. My advice?
Third order of business:
Do not stay away from four-leaved clovers, my Fir friends! They are our allies! I am very close friends with a four-leaved clover. We bonded instantly-- 4 is my favorite number. It sounds like "fir" if you say it right. So do not fear the four-leaved clover, because:
Thank you fir reading this post and perhaps following my advice. Have a happy and safe St. Patrick's Day!
I look up to Candidate Douglas Fir. Vote fir Firs! The leaves of a clover represent the following:
ReplyDeleteThe first is fir hope, the second is fir faith, the third is fir love, and the fourth is fir luck.
Good luck today. No Beer
hay dugliss!! didd yew now taht clovirs livv undir fire treas?/ lahl ::D wihs mea luk inn mie sho!!1!one! 9lahl im wearinng kloz inn tihs wun) ::d
ReplyDeleteoh god it stares into my soul
ReplyDelete